


Derek woke up and realized he had boobs

by DorianWilde



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Body Swap, Crack, Gender Bender, Humor, PMS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:33:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DorianWilde/pseuds/DorianWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We're not going to be trapped this way long enough to get our periods,” Derek informed Stiles, returning from the kitchen carrying a big chocolate bar in his hand.</p><p>“... I never thought I'd hear you say that those words, Hale.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Derek woke up and realized he had boobs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bengsi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bengsi/gifts).



> Sometimes Bengsi and I are sleep deprived and sustain only on candy

Derek woke up and realized he had boobs.

 

It wasn't like he'd sat up with a gasp, instantly realizing he sported a pair of double D's. It was a gradual process, stretching sleepily, scratching his stomach and … boobs?

 

What. The. Hell?

 

He threw the covers off, gaping at his nicely curved, rather toned, _very_ female body.

 

“What the hell?” His voice was several octaves higher than usual.

 

“Dude, I- oh my god, you too?” Stiles, or someone who looked like Stiles' sister, skidded to a halt in front of him.

 

“Obviously,” Derek snapped.

 

So far, this was not a good day.

 

-'-'-

 

“I can't believe he's gone,” Stiles said mournfully.

 

“What do you mean, 'gone'?” Scott asked. “Derek's in the kitchen.”

 

“I don't mean Derek.”

 

“Then wha-”

 

“I'm talking about the fact that I woke up with a- a,” he gestured downwards, “vajayjay.”

 

“I can't believe you say vajayjay,” Isaac said, shaking his head.

 

“I can't believe you wear a scarf in the middle of summer, but you don't here me bitching about it.”

 

“Dude, you bitch about it all the time.”

 

“Shut up, Scott,” Stiles snapped. “Besides, we have more important issues here. Like, where did, you know, where did 'mini me' go?” Stiles hissed.

 

“Female reproductive organs are like a male one only it's on the inside,” Lydia informed them, sweeping into the living room. “Except for the part where we have intense pains once a month due to our uterus.”

 

“Oh my god. I feel sick,” Stiles moaned. “Scott, when my time comes, you gotta feed me chocolate and stuff, man.”

  
“We're not going to be trapped this way long enough to get our periods,” Derek informed him, returning from the kitchen carrying a big chocolate bar in his hand.

 

“... I never thought I'd hear you say that those words, Hale.”

 

Derek frowned at him, popping two squares into his mouth. “Shut up, Stiles.”

 

“Hey, don't get pissy. At least you're gorgeous this way.”

 

“... you thought I was ugly before?” Derek's eyes looked suspiciously shiny. He popped another piece of chocolate into his mouth.

 

“No- I- No! I mean, shit, help me out here guys!” The other three kept unhelpfully silent. Isaac, being a little shit, was actually snickering into his palm. “Derek, you're a very attractive fella, or were, don't get me wrong. I just- why are we even having this conversation?”

 

“It's fine,” Derek assured him, blinking hard. “I don't care.” He stuffed three more pieces into his mouth.

 

“Oh my god you're PMS:ing,” Lydia said, then promptly burst out laughing.

 

“Shit, you're gonna bleed from your vajayjay,” Stiles exclaimed, horrified.

 

“He's a werewolf, it's not like he's not used to bleeding,” Lydia pointed out.

 

“BUT NOT FROM HIS VAJAYJAY!”

 

“He's got a point,” Isaac said. “It's not like his female bits are going to heal in a few minutes.”

 

“We need to find a cure. Now.” Derek stuffed five more pieces into his mouth, chewing frenetically.

 

-'-'-

 

“I'm not doing this.”

 

“It's just a tampon, man up.” Lydia handed it to him, smirking evilly. “In case you need it later.”

 

“I have pads if-” Allison began.

 

“No one uses pads, Allison. Let's go.”

 

“But-” Derek looked beggingly after their retreating backs, then looked at the tampon in his hand.

 

This day, was not getting any better.

 

-'-'-

 

“Stiles, stop squeezing your boobs.” Lydia battered his hands away, then turned back to her laptop.

 

“But they're so soft,” Stiles cooed.

  
“Mine are sore,” Derek muttered, staring morosely at the TV.

 

“Besides, they're my boobies, which means I can squeeze them to my heart's content.” Stiles smiled cheerfully. Lydia rolled her eyes.

 

“Derek, you okay?” Scott asked, sounding worried.

 

“It's just, they haven't seen each other for five years,” Derek said hoarsely, gesturing towards the episode of _Doctor Phil_ he was watching. He blinked hard. “It's just-” he shook his head, biting his lip. “It's big moment, and I- It's just a stupid show, I hate it.” He huffed, resolutely turning the TV off and retreating to the kitchen, most likely to find more chocolate.

 

“If I hypothetically find Derek very attractive, does that make me a lesbian?” Stiles asked.

 

“No, since you still define yourself as a man. Honestly, do I need to tell you everything?” She sighed, frowning at the laptop screen.

 

“Did you read anything occult last night, Stiles?” Isaac drawled, a book dangling between his fingers. “Found this under his bed,” he added, by way of explanation.

 

“Um, yeah? Is that something I should have mentioned? Or, you know, even considered?”

 

“I will not even dignify that with an answer,” Lydia snapped. She glanced at the title, then tapped in a few commands on the laptop. “Okay, so, I think I found a way to change you guys back now.”

 

-'-'-

 

In the end, it was quite easy to reverse. Apparently, Stiles had accidentally caused the change the night before while reading out loud from a book he'd “borrowed” from Deaton. Reading the text backwards made the spell undone.

 

“So, heh, good to have our balls in the right place again, huh,” Stiles grinned at Derek. “Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed having boobs, but I kinda prefer them on other people. Not my boobs. Just boobs in general.”

 

“Shut up, Stiles.”

 

“Sure thing, you handsome fella, you,” Stiles threw over his shoulder as he left the room.

 

“I WAS PMS:ing!” Derek roared after him.

 

-'-'-

 

Derek woke up and realized he had boobs.

 

“STILES!”

 


End file.
